At times, we doubt the existence of God in our life.
We ask Him why things have to happen to us.
We wonder of His presence, how do we know that He is looking after us.
I was doubting His existence back then.
I grew up in a Christian family, but I don’t really know who God really is.
With everything that has happened in my life, from my parents’ divorce, no fatherly figure, broken self-image, life seems sucks. I did not see God working in my life at that point.
I reach the point where I was living with an empty heart and filled with brokenness.
Friends were the answer for me. I only felt happy when I had my friends. I only feel alive with my social group. I felt that I do not belong everywhere else.
But do you ever feel like, at certain things, even friends couldn’t help you.
I was relying on people, and I end up hurting even more.
No matter what you are going through, at some point, you cannot handle everything on your own.
If you feel neglected, heartbroken, cannot even accept yourself, the one thing that can help you is God.
I’ve been in the place where too many people have hurt you, and you can’t even accept yourself.
When you even cannot accept yourself, how would you expect people to understand and accept you?
It’ll only result in rejection, self-pitying, and a lot of expectations for others.
When I was at my lowest, I know that I could not handle it anymore, I know that my friends could not help me either. I don’t even know does God exist or not.
But then, by His amazingly way, He reaches me out.
He helps me get through my worse situations. He helps me to understand that I need God’s love in my life. A father’s love. He accepts me for who I am, even though I felt disgrace by myself. I thought that if God exists, He wouldn’t accept me. I was too sinful, living in too much darkness in my heart, and I did not think that God can help me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”-Isaiah 41: 10 (NIV)
There was a moment when I went to a house of prayer for the first time, that was the first time where I felt peace deep from my heart in my entire life. I could not handle it, I just cried and all of the burdens that I always carried felt released entirely. From that moment, I knew that God exists. He touched my heart.
It is a long process. I went through a lot of time where I try to release all of the pain that I’ve experienced due to others, I learn to give myself to Christ as my Eternal Father, and learn to accept myself.
He heals me from inside. God is really good.
But then, there are a lot of sacrifices as well, when you are living in Christ, you are going to take a lot of judgment from others, people that cannot accept you for who you are, and other challenges, but what I know is that in the end, it’s gonna be God good. God is always present. It is the matter of time whether we ask for His help for our life, or He even works miracles in your life.
Know that God exists. He is reaching you out. You cannot handle everything on your own. You need Him.
Father, I just want to pray for whoever is reading this, no matter what you are going through, just ask God that you need Him. He will heal you, He will forgive you for whatever that you hold on to. His love remains always in you. Amen.