First of all, sorry for the absence for the past few months.
Honestly, this post is the most challenging, truthful, and scary part of my life. Well not scary in a bad way, it’s just that, it’s about life.
I was in the shower and I kinda ask God what should I write on this blog and somehow He told me that I have to write about my family. This is the time, to tell the truth.
It has been the toughest, emotionally draining, and crazy adventure, but never thought that this would be the best thing that I have in my life.
Through the darkest and hard times with people in my family, it’s all worth it.
I believe that our family is one of the most influential roles in our life. They are the one who takes care of us, love us, and teach us lot of lessons. Most of our identity, perspective, and acts are formed by our everyday interaction within the family. They are supposed to be the most important thing in our life, they should be the one who supports us through our darkest moment, and they should be the one that we call home and become the strongest foundation in our life.
However, through this modern era, it all can change drastically.
We live in the time where the concept of family as a whole (mom, dad, and children) is not really present in today’s world. It’s really hard for a family to function well.
People are less committed to forming a strong and healthy loving family. Some things are just changing.
Probably our parents don’t love each other anymore, they fight a lot, and its just does not work anymore.
A lot of divorces, child abandonment, big fights within parents, children that have to deal with the pressure from their family.
Even though the family appears to be okay on the outside, but they are broken inside.
How’s your family? Or you don’t even know whom should you call a family? I presumed that there are a lot of people who experience the loss of an important figure from families such as parents, they disappoint you, or just absent in your life. Home is not really a home for you.
I was in that kind of experience. I was the broken home kid where I don’t really know what is the meaning of family. For me, it was a dark place.
My family was dysfunctional and I learned that family is not really important for me.
I found a home in my social life. My peer who support me and be there for me. Even though they did not provide the best advice, but they were there for me.
However, somehow it does not really make me into a person that have strong foundation and principles. As a person, I was wondering why am I even have to be born to my family.
I was impulsive, don’t have any strong foundation that would’ve been learned from family. I was affected emotionally and my entire life was meaningless somehow. I was wounded by many things that I did not realize it comes from my experience with my family and I became this vulnerable girl and seek for what can heal me.
When I was a teenager, it was just heightened up, lack of self-esteem, doomed self-image, not loving myself. As a result, I have some kind of dark past where I was blaming myself for what I had done and feeling unworthy. I tend to do things that are destructing myself.
A lot of things happen after the divorce, my father got a stroke and my mom marries her partner.
Well, I don’t know about your life but I believe that you have your own problems in your family. Some of you might have a complete family with both of your parents supporting and loving towards you, but some of you don’t really have their support.
Probably they have separated, or you never have a real father nor mother figure, you experience seeing their argument and fights towards each other, cheating on each other, it’s too much for you.
I have no idea how are you handling all of the situations, but personally, through everything that I have dealt with, I can say that I am grateful for all of the things that are happening in my family.
It has shaped me into who I am now.
I am grateful that through my parent’s divorce, I learn from the darkest places. I learn from the loss of some parent’s role in my life. I got to experience the feeling of loss, brokenness, and not feeling valuable.
Yet, I become the person that understand what are the other children are experiencing with their parent’s problems and thankfully able to help them.
If the divorce never happened, I will never experience the loss of parent’s role to love and their presence. I would not be able to feel what other broken children are feeling.
If all of the family drama never happened in my life, I would not be this broken woman who through all of the pain, I realize that I need a greater power than myself to handle all of this. I acknowledge that I was not strong enough to handle all of this and it led me to be transformed by God’s love.
Through it, I can see that my parent’s divorce and drama was not destroying my life, instead, it changes my heart and the way I see things in a good way.
I can learn from their divorce that marriage is a very important life event and it needs more than only financial planning, it takes a dozen of preparation in every area. Even though my parents couldn’t make it up, but I learn that in my own relationship in the future, I have to be very certain and learn a lot of foundation about family because it is very important and it takes years of preparation.
The divorce taught me to be strong, more independent, and be able to forgive every mistake they have done without them realizing. It also gives me a lot of good and bad decision that shaped me and I am grateful for it.
No matter what happens, probably you could not accept why you are born to those kinds of family, or even hoping to have a better family. Believe it or not, that is exactly why you are in that kind of family. Whatever the problem is with your family, you should know that you are meant to be the solution for them.
Your role is very important to unite your family again, or just be the mediator of your family. Even though the smallest thing you can do to help your family, trust me, its gonna work.
Whatever the drama in your family is, it is destined to be your foundation to learn and become stronger, more mature, and choose your action wisely.
You can understand people’s problem more deeply because you experience the emotional struggle. You have been there, you know the pain. And it is time for you to get back up and help them.
Every mistake that they have ever done, it’s the opportunity for you to learn from them, and make sure you make it right this time.
Sometimes, the biggest challenges in our life is found in our closest people around us, family. But from those obstacles, we can learn our greatest strength.
Your past in the family does not define your future. You are part of them, but you can learn from a different perspective of things. You can learn to accept them for whatever they are, and continue your journey and obstacles in your family with courage, love, and faith.
“Sometimes the best families are the ones God builds using unexpected pieces of our hearts.”
― Melanie Shankle