How’s your soul?

Edited by : Charissa Faith Utasa

To each and every one of you who ever felt like peace will never exist in your heart, a deep hole was inside. with all those anxieties, pain, and broken pieces whirling up inside.

To those of you who never know what is it like to live a happy live.

Maybe you have always thought negatively towards everything. You could not trust people. Everyone around you seems like an outsider. You are afraid of being judged, afraid of never fully satisfying what the society sets as the standard of your living.

To those of you who always see yourselves as a disappointment.

You cannot stand seeing yourself in the mirror. You are not able to love yourself, and whatever you accomplished until now, it will never be enough.

Nowadays, I noticed that there are a lot of people who are dealing with their issues. Those kind of issues that attacks your mind, emotion, and the heart. The things that destruct yourself; anxieties, depression, and a painful past that kept you from moving forward.

The social situation forces you to be strong on the outside, even when you are hurting inside.

Memories of the unforgettable past, of people hurting your heart.

All of those voices saying; 

You are ugly.

You are nothing.

You are never enough.

Those words that are always stuck in your mind.

Your struggles were kept hidden from everyone around you, and dealt with alone.

It has always been in your heart. You feel that pressure everyday throughout the years of your life.. and you hold on to it, until you get used to it.

How’s your soul?

What I learn is that, each and everyone of you are created with love.

Humans are made to be loved and they are created to love others.

But throughout the journey of our lives, we met people who hurt, disappoint, and left wounds in our heart.

Those hurtful experiences, causing pain in our hearts and formed the roots of who we are now. Perhaps, what you have been through shaped your principles.

We close ourselves from the world and built a wall surrounding our hearts. Perhaps it affects our character, becoming this bitter person that tends to hurt other people. Or, it may become your own way of self-destruction. You became this person filled with anxieties, judgmental towards people around you, loving others is a struggle for you, and even yourself.

Do you know how’s your heart dealing with everything? Or you kept it buried deep in your heart until rots.

It is hard to take care of your heart because it is invisible.

I just watched a movie called “Lars and the Real Girl”.

You guys would want to watch it since the main character, Lars, is played by Ryan Gosling. It was about a guy that became delusional. He had issues with his past and he was not able to express his pain to anyone. He ended up using his delusion to communicate his feelings and hidden expressions from his past. All of those fear, rage, sadness, everything was piled up inside his heart and he could not share it to anyone.

For every one of you that are dealing with anxieties, depression, and all of those emotional issues.

Maybe you are always like that. Maybe you do not know the root causing your anxiety, but you have to know that your heart had experienced a lot.


Accept who you are. 

Personally, I tend to take all the pain and disappointments into my heart, and I became that bitter person. I was traumatized by the people who judged me for the way I am, and I blocked myself away from others. It was kind of like my defense mechanism. And it became worse. I felt numb sometimes.

One thing you guys have to know for sure is to deal with it. 

Nobody is perfect. I have issues, you have issues, and it is okay.

Be a human that accepts who you are. A person who has flaws, who is dealing with every facts and memories, which is hard to forget. It forms every trauma building inside of you.

Accept that whatever you have dealt with in the past, molds you into the way you are now. Shape your perception towards people, principles, behavior, and your emotional condition. And it will be okay.

It is better for you to accept the fact that you have a lot of problems in your life, rather than blocking it.

Somehow it will manage to hurt you from inside.

For all of you who felt these problems in your heart, you have to know that, with you keeping everything inside, it does not heal you. It will become worse.


Know your root.

If you are sick, you go to the doctor to cure your sickness.

But if you have a heart problem, it is inevitable. Curing a wound in your heart is much harder compared to any physical illness.

Heart problems had been piling up through the early years of your life. Even children have had their own painful experience within their life. Maybe they still recall the memories of their parents fighting, or any form of abusive experience in the past. And it is all pilling up in their hearts, becoming some kind of wounds in their hearts.

I learned something recently. Every person has their own roots regarding ‘why’ have they become this way. Maybe they have trouble trusting people, broken self-image, anxiety, and other kind of issues.

But one thing for sure, there is always a reason why you are like this.

The person you have become now, is formed by your experience through life.

There is a root for your anxiety.

There is a root for your trust issues.

There is a root for why you tend to hurt people who wants to get close to you even though it was not your intention.

Whether you are ready or not, but you deserve to know the reason behind every issues you are dealing inside your heart.

Reflecting to every memory that you have been holding back, ask yourselves, ‘What kind of events that affected your heart deeply?’

I’m sure you still remember those events.

You have to identify the roots of your problems. 


Let healing happen.

Nowadays, there are lots of ways to heal yourself. You can share with a support group, take medicine, therapy, etc. But one thing for sure, throughout my experience, you need God to heal your heart. No matter how smart you are, knowledge will never be enough to cure your heart issues.

Therapy can heal you. Counselling can make you better. But your heart condition, can only become better when you really encounter the source of true love. It is not a person that can help you. It is the source of love Himself that can take all the burden and pain away, and restore your heart with peace.

The core of healing happens when you experience the real love of God in your life. 

It is not about how you practice religion, but how you as a person, engage with God regarding love in your life.

The encounter of your heart with God will change everything.

Even if you have practice every religious routine to devote yourself to God, it does not mean you have experienced true love of God.

When the world keeps on shutting you down, He is there, ready to embrace you.

Human effort does not answer what your heart needs.

Our heart yearns for something earth cannot supply – C.S. Lewis

Come to Him, and your heart will find new strength, peace, and true joy. Whatever you want to say, just come to Him in prayer. He always listen to your prayer.

God do not need people that are perfect, God want to save all of us who are broken and sinful. He wants to heal people with all of their broken part, and just come to Him, asking for healing.

You Know Me by Bethel Music

This song really change my life. I still remember the first time I heard this song, and I just cried. Like it really calmed my heart. It was the first time I felt peace in my whole life. When you hear this song, just close your eyes, and just focus on the lyric. 



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